Etiquette when on Bart

I am a daily rider of BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit). We have a real love/hate relationship. I would break up with BART, but it's proven to be the quickest way for me to get to and from work. I don't know if it's the actual system that I dislike, or if it's the people I am subjected to when I'm on the train. I think it may be a combination of both.

My primary complaint is the cleanliness of the trains. I know a New Yorker would probably eat off of the floors of a Bart train just to show me what a diva I am being. I suppose if I were to compare it to a subway it's not so bad. But guess what? I’m not. So the trains are dirty. They gross me out. I refuse to sit in the last row of seats on any of the train's cars. Too many times have I boarded a train to find a homeless person has taken refuge in that row of seats. More often than not, I find someone sprawled out, and fast asleep in that row of seats. And they smell. If the seats weren't upholstered perhaps they wouldn’t smell. It might make the conditions more sanitary. But the seats are covered in cloth that is saturated with brown stains. All of the seats appear to have these stains. When I think about where those stains come from, my stomach just curdles.

My secondary complaint is unseasoned users of Bart. You can tell the unseasoned user upon entering the station. They always walk slow, like the world is their oyster and time isn't of the essence. These same people stand stationary on the left of the escalator when everyone knows that this is the moving line. They look all bewildered when you push past them to make your train. Of course they are also on the train, with their bags, obstructing the entrance/exit. Why are people so clueless? If you know you have a long ride in store, move your ass to the middle of the train. It's not that difficult. Example: I get on the train in West Oakland in the morning. There are people standing right in the path of the doors, with four suitcases. I assume they are going to the SF Airport, yet that stop isn't for another 30 minutes. And there they stand, as if the exit will come at any moment. Bart has provided maps for people right next to the door of each train so that they are aware of each stop the train will make. Of course the maps are ignored.

My third issue with the train is safety. Have you seen your Bart police as of late? Somehow I don't feel reassured when I see them on the platform. It's just another reminder that any concerns that affect your safety in this country are dispensed on an "as needed" basis. So when I get to the platform and there is a cop with a German shepherd milling about, I become a nervous ninny. What are they not telling me? Was there a threat? A scare? The last thing I need is for some anarchist to play suicide when all I want to do is go home. Don't pull me into your political shit. I don't care who engineered the damn train, or who profits from the train’s use. Since I am wearing my politically incorrect, insensitive hat right now, I will admit a secret. I never ride the Fremont train. You know why....

Anyhow, I wonder why Bart doesn't pony up for some beefier security. Can we get some sort of deterrent for crime on the trains? Bart’s prices are forever increasing, yet the trains remain dirty, the service is inconsistent, and the security measures are non-existent. Maybe I do want to know who's profiting from that 20 cent increase I keep incurring.

I got to thinking about what could make my BART experience less painful. Below is a list of Do's and Don'ts. If you follow them, I think everyone will be less tense and able to make the experience a bearable one.

Do's:
Do be considerate of the people around you. If the train is crowded, don't move around too much and bump people with your bags. Just stand still. We know it's cramped but your moving doesn't make it better.

Do wear deodorant. I don't care how hippy your roots are or how sensitive your skin is. Wear it, damn it! And don't skimp. Why should I be subjected to your funk?

Do move to the middle of the train if you know you're going to be on it for a good 10 stops. It's inconsiderate to everyone else if you are obstructing the entrance and exit.

Do step off the train to allow people to enter and exit if you're forced to stand right by the door. And take your shit with you when you get on and off. I hate having to step over people's stuff to get on the train.

Do have your ticket ready to put in the turnstile when exiting the station. Don't hold everyone up while you search the depths of your jumbo purse for the ticket.

If you are going to breathe with your mouth open, DO use a breath mint. This is aligned with the request to be funk free.

Don'ts
Don't blow up the damn train. Don't even conceive of this. Take your barbaric solutions back to the Middle East where the people are used to such extremism.

Don't fall asleep and rest your head on my shoulder. I really hate this. I don't know you like that.

Don't stand stationary on the left side of the escalator. This is the moving line. Keeps it moving.

Don't block the entrance of the train if you are standing in line on the platform. Step to the side so I know you aren't boarding.

Don't drink coffee on a crowded train. If it spills on me, we're going to have beef.

Don’t put your bags on an empty seat and act like it’s an inconvenience to move them if someone wants to sit down. That’s just rude.

If you can think of other do's and don'ts, feel free to add them in the comment section. I will update the list as we go.

Steve and Barry's are Coming to Town

Steve and Barry's are moving to the Bay Area! Bow chicka wah wah! If you aren't up on them, they are known for their stock of well made but affordable goodies. They have exclusive rights to the Starburys, the athletic shoe created by famed hooper Stephan Marbury as well as Sarah Jessica Parker's new line, Bitten.

The store's grand opening takes place August 1st, 2007 at NewPark Mall in Newark, CA.

People, I haven't been this excited about an opening since H&M came to town. The only thing that could top this in my opinion would be if Nick at Night throws the Facts of Life back into rotation. Seriously, I have been itching for a life lesson explained under the knowing eye of Edna Garret.

Yawn.. Posh & Becks Move to America- DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?

I am suffering from insomnia. That is the only justifiable reason I have for staying up until the wee hours of the night watching, "Victoria Beckham Comes to America." Is that your judgement I smell? Guess what wankers? I don't bloody care! I am majorly glad that Simon Fuller had the genius to produce this awesomely bad reality show because it is serving as fodder for my next blog! I am also anxious to expand my vocab of "English-isms."

So the show begins with an expose for the numb-nuts out there that don't know who David Beckham and Posh Spice are. Who are they? Well, David is that white hot white guy that is known for the heat he brings both on and off the soccer field. Victoria "Posh" Spice might be the Spice Girl with the least amount of obvious talent but she managed to bed and wed Beckham, and birthed two of his offspring, all the while maintaining a posh physic sans stretch marks. Sure she has millions to aid her in this effort but what I am trying to convey is that she is definitely talented to have pulled all of this off.

Now that we know who the Beckhams are, we are treated to a hot and steamy photo shoot on the set of W Magazine. Ladies, have your vibrators handy for the reruns cause David is heating up the screen. There is dust, and sweat and low riding hip hugger jeans... okay, now I'm drooling on ma' laptop. Bravo, stop the madness! Madrid has never looked so good. The only thing marring the picture is Posh's bony ass. That bitch hasn't seen a frame she didn't want to be in. So we are forced to watch Posh canoodle with David, and Posh is even kind enough to let us in on a little secret. She knows that the world thinks David's ass is fiine and that her ass is just weird looking and guess what, she doesn't bloody care! So at the end of the shoot, she and David part ways. She manages to shed a tear (those acting classes sure are paying off) before her suv pulls away. It's off to America!

When she arrives she is dropped off at the home that is her and the fam's temporary residence until she finds them a house. The rental is (dare I say), posh. It's fabulous in a very modern way. The only thing i don't get is the montage of dogs on the wall. Who would want a mishmash of dogs they don't even know on their wall? The photos look like leftover stills from a greeting card photo shoot.

The more I watch, the more I wonder if Posh is planning to get involved in politics. Why else would she be motivated to star in this piece of shit reality show? She has more money than one could ever need so what is the reason for this desire to appeal to the masses? Her efforts at likeability are laughable. She comes across as a Jessica Simpson clone, complete with the airhead qualities and the BFF hairdresser and make-up artist.

Posh's first order of business in America is to acquire a personal assistant. She says up front the girl can't be cute or skinnier than she is (as if that were possible- I mean keep it real, if Posh was to lose any more weight she'd only be able to stand up with the aid of an IV). So the assistant arrives and Posh, in the hopes of making a good impression, does something she'll only do once, and never do again- she opens her own front door!

After what has to be the strangest interview I've ever had the priviledge of witnessing, the assistant is hired. One is forced to assume that the assistant got the job based on her looks. She is the equivalent of four Poshe's weight wise (which would make her about my size) and she's sporting a mullet. She definitely failed the Q & A, see the questions below:

Assistant: Am I going to be personally assisting David?
Victoria: No, why do you want to?
Assistant: No, um yes?
Victoria: Why do you find him attractive?
Assistant: Well, he's not bad looking....

Clearly Posh finds the girl's honesty and missing fuckability factor a comfort so the job is hers. The job entails explaining words like intersection to Posh, and arranging for mock earthquake drills.

Another order of business is getting to know the who's who of Hollywood. So Posh has lunch with Perez Hilton. Does anyone else think that Perez is turning into a camera whore? He is seriously high off of the smell of his own pooh. I mean he's everwhere I look these days. He's on the View, he's on the D-List with Kathy Griffith and now he's on Posh's reality show. For the love of all things sacred! He is a blogger, not a celebrity. Posh confronts him about all the mean stuff he says about her and he promises to replace the alien symbol he photoshops over her head with a crown if she agrees to get bigger boobs, smile less, and send him naked photos. Okay he is like the biggest queer so why does he want naked photos of Posh? I am either confused, sleep deprived and imagining things (like Perez enjoying the site of a naked woman) or Posh is really a man. Which is it? Did he really just ask her for naked pics? I am moving on. The best part of this segment was when he asked her who she doesn't like. Spice Girl loyalty kicks in and she doesn't hesitate to let the world know her disdain for Eddie Murphy (hello, he was just named the baby's daddy of her sister Spice's baby). She also doesn't care for those trashy nymphs like Paris Hilton that choose not to wear knickers (people, english-isms kick ass).

Next Posh buys a house. A 17 million dollar house that is. She chooses a house previously owned by Lional Ritchie. He even laid the wood floors. The neighbors are Batman and Spider Man. Posh theorizes that if the neighborhood is cool enough for those super heroes it's good enough for her and the fam.

We get to watch Posh shop, because she doesn't own enough shit and because there aren't starving people in the world. Amongst her purchases are a blow up doll to throw off the papparazzi, a pair of cut off shorts from Kitson, some shoes that don't seem to fit her and just what her hubby needs, another watch. I am so bored already- not only with this show but this blog. I have to end it. So playing some feel good music we learn Posh has accomplished her mission and achieved all that was needed to bring her family to America. The next scene is of her and David arriving in America together. That would be it. Did I really just sit through an hour of this? What a waste.

In conclusion I have learned that Posh has a pretty shallow personality but she's harmless. She enjoys self tanner, kissing on her hot husband, spending frivilous amounts of money and posing while her make-up artist takes pics of her with her camera phone. Hmm... glad I've added this to my memory bank. My mom will be so proud.

Mom or Anthropologist

I am trying to wrap my brain around the recent level of laziness that seems to have enveloped my child. I don't know if it's puberty or summer that has spawned this mutant creature, but I barely recognize him. Instead of my handsome 13 year old I see Jabba the Hut.

Not that he's ever been one to hop up at the crack of dawn, do 100 push ups, followed by a mile long run, all before I've opened my eyes. But lately it seems I can't even convince him to shift positions on our couch. From sun up until sun down, he is immobile. He is moved only by hunger or bladder pressure. I am fully convinced that if he could, he'd have a potty chair and a personal fridge placed next to the couch to make life that much easier. His clothes have been replaced by a blanket that he's converted into a toga. Next to him on the couch are all that he considers essential: cell phone, house phone, remote control, laptop open to his myspace, and video game controller.

As if it's not enough to resemble the Hut, he's encompassed his way of communicating. I can't understand a damn word my mutant child speaks. Every time he opens his mouth I curse the absence of subtitles and look to God for translation. To make matters worse his friends all speak this alien tongue. Since they are the only ones that do, he has taken to having at least one co-inhabitant at all times. They spend their days sitting around my living room in their togas, speaking their foreign language, and chugging away a week's worth of Gatorade in one day. I guess all of that inactivity works up quite a thirst. Meanwhile, I make mental notes to to sign up for a course in Ebonics/Hyphie 101. Does my local community college even offer such a class?

Probably the most irritating of all is the amount of consumption that has become my mutant's daily requirement. He and his breed eat endless amounts of food and my bank account is really feeling the pinch. This breed doesn't do dishes either. Cleaning hasn't been introduced to their species yet. When you suggest to them that they get up and clean their mess they make a weird sound (half grunt/half squeal) and look at you with a very perplexed expression, as if to say, "I can't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth right now." I guess my expectations for a bi-lingual mutant are a little out of reach. Someone please find me that Ebonics course, stat!

I feel like an anthropologist, studying a new tribe. I wonder if National Geographic would be interested in my findings. Do you have a mutant sharing your space? And if so, what did you do to reclaim your child? I seriously hope this isn't it for the next 5 years. No wonder they created college. Without it, the mutant would never leave and the parent would go insane.

My December

MTV is offering listeners an opportunity to preview the latest effort by Kelly Clarkson, "My December" before it's June 26th release. Visit http://www.mtv.com/ to hear the album, for which Clarkson either wrote or co-wrote every song.

Despite cancelled tour dates, fired managers and label conflict the album holds it's own. I like it. It's more rock than pop so you have to be open to that sort of thing. I think Kelly's voice is amazing and her lyrics are honest and easy to relate to. "My December" may not serve as the soundtrack for Laguna Beach's fourth season but so what? It still rocks. My favorites are Sober, Haunted, Maybe, Be Still, and Irvine.

Something out of Nothing

I’ve been totally out of the loop for the past couple of weeks and apologize to my two readers for not posting anything new. In my defense, I must say, there really isn’t much going on in the news right now. Case in point- I watched the local edition of the 11 o’clock news last night and the major story was about how recent studies show the oldest sibling is usually the smartest (I can adhere to that way of thinking). I wake up this morning to the same story only this time it’s on GMA. So you know when GMA is googling random shit and building a story around it, there is nothing much to talk about.

Never one to back down from a challenge-(and writing about nothing IS challenging- don’t believe me uh? Well try it some time.). I did some serious internet surfing and came up with the following stuff. It’s interesting to perhaps no one- but nonetheless, I am posting it:

…..Eddie is Scary Spice’s baby daddy

According to TMZ, DNA tests conclude with 99.9% certainty that Eddie Murphy is the father of Scary Spice’s baby. Reps for Scary Spice confirm that the mama has received the results and she’s now doing the “Money Dance.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6eWaU1VQOc

Upon hearing the news, Eddie Murphy’s reaction was one of denial. He is appealing to the Maury Show for a second round of tests. I am kidding. Actually I was watching Inside Edition last week and Eddie told reporters he’d take care of Iris Murphy Brown should tests prove the child was his.

Go short for the summer:
Long locks are yesterday’s news. The inverted bob is the cut to have this summer. This observation isn’t enough to send me running in search Edward Scissor Hands with a request for him to work his magic on my crop. Unfortunately I don’t have the bone structure for that sort of extremism. However, these femmes do and they are rockin the new look well:

Websites worth visiting:
If you’re totally bored- check out some of these sites. I’ve happened upon them and I have to say, they are Grreat!

http://divavillage.com/
http://www.hungry-girl.com/
http://bittensjp.com/collection.php

The Rev. Jerry Falwell Dies … and Teletubbies Everywhere, Rejoice

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, founder of the religious right, has past away at the age of 73. Falwell had a history of heart trouble and was found unconscious in his office at Liberty University.

Jerry Falwell, a southern Baptist minister, will probably be most remembered for preaching intolerance toward gays, feminists, abortionists, revolutionaries, lesbians, blacks, the ACLU, People for American Way, pagans, Jews, Arabs that work at Quick-E Marts, men who wear their hair long, woman that color their hair pink, people that listen to disco, rap or any other music with a sexual undertone, people in inter-racial relationships, people that drink on Sunday and while I am sure I am forgetting a myriad of other people, let’s not forget his distain for that pesky, purple Tele-tubby.

Through the years, he used religion to criticized Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa and supported Ferdinand Marcos, the deposed president of the Philippines. He opposed SALT II, a treaty between the United States and the Soviet Union to limit nuclear weapons.

But his primary focus was on domestic issues - opposing the Equal Rights Amendment, supporting the teaching of creationism in public schools, resisting gay rights, pornography and a women’s right to choose.

Falwell’s church services were broadcast on hundreds of TV and radio stations. Once, he claimed to have an audience in the tens of millions. "Abortion, family values, and the moral underpinnings on which the nation was built we call the Judeo-Christian ethic, is important to us," Falwell said. His group raised millions to support politicians armed with the same moral agenda. In fact, his support of George Bush’s campaign in 2000 led John McCain to cry, “Not fair!”

Jerry Falwell was no idiot, despite the moronic rhetoric that came out of his mouth. He built a successful career and a massive following, by making statements that shocked and awed just about everyone.

The most memorable moment of Jerry’s career for me was his attempt to out one of the Teletubbies. He theorized that the puppet must be promoting a gay lifestyle since he wore purple, carried a purse, and sported a triangle on his head. Jerry didn’t mention Bert and Ernie, Peppermint Patty, or Big Bird and Snuffie, which I consider to be more obvious targets for such speculation.

After Sept. 11, Falwell declared God's anger with gays, lesbians, abortionists, and feminists had contributed to the terrorist attacks. He later apologized blaming just the terrorists. In 2002 he said, "I think Muhammad was a terrorist. I've read enough of the history of his life, written by both Muslims and non-Muslims, that he was a violent man, a man of war." These comments led to deadly riots in the Muslim world.

Falwell’s life was full of irony; as was his longstanding feud with Hustler Magazine’s creator, Larry Flint. The basis for their battles in court? Freedom of speech. Yep- Jerry wanted to sensor Flint and everyone else when his own career was fueled by the fire of saying whatever he damn well pleased regardless of how it made other people feel.

Reality TV: Who Made the Cut

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, there you have Sanjaya crooning about bathing in his ex-lover's bathwater while sporting a pony-hawk. It's ridiculous that Americans (me included) are so fascinated with this kid. I think that the wow factor is born out of disbelief that Sanjaya has established such celebrity for himself. He'll do fine whether he stays in the competition or gets sent home. I bet he ends up with his own reality show. There won't be words, or even a script. Simply Sanjaya and his many hair-do's. Looking at Sanjaya one wonders if he knows something that we don't.

It should come as no surprise that Heather Mills made the cut in her competition and will continue to wow us with her one leg.

And, to cap it off, America's Next Top Model is a little bit lighter as they sent one of their two plus sized models packing. Diana was a cute girl and all but she was so self conscious about her weight and took no pride in being the big chicken in the hen house. Whitney, the other plus sized model in the house was always making an effort to boost Diana's self esteem. I thought she focused too much time trying to keep Diana in the game and last night that lack of personal focus almost did her in as she was in the bottom two with Diana. Whitney does not look like a model to me but she carries herself with a lot of confidence and in a weight conscious world, it's refreshing to see someone love themselves despite the fact that they don't necessarily fit the mold. Hey, I think I just figured out Sanjaya's wow factor. He loves himself in spite of the fact that no one quite gets him.

Oh the Randomness....

How random is this? Laguna Beach alum Jessica Smith was arrested on suspicion of felony DUI on Monday. Jess is being held at the Orange County Jail Women’s Intake Release Center in lieu of $100,000 bail. She’s scheduled for an arraignment at the Harbor Justice Center on Wednesday. I wonder if the crash will be covered during season 4 of Laguna Beach?

Source: http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1632488.php

Project Runway's Nina Garcia gave birth to a baby boy and season 3 winner and asshole, Jeffrey Sebelia split from his baby mama, Melanie. Source: http://www.tmz.com/2007/03/27/project-runway-winner-cuts-ties-with-baby-mama.

Tonight, Sanjaya will continue to hold the world captive with his awesome hair and awesomely terrible voice. Seriously, the kid has a future endorsing hair products. The sooner he begins his new career and gets the hell off of my television set on Tues and Weds, the better.

The remaining ten are set to perform songs from the last two Gwen Stefani albums. I predict that 90% of tonight's performances will suck and I'm apt to not tune in. I mean, Gwen Stefani can barely sing her own songs so in who's mind was this a good idea?

Also, tonight is the moment of truth for Heather and her leg. Will they live to dance another televised day?

And finally, just about the funniest damn clip I've seen in a long time, check out this Mad Tv parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rw2nkoGLhrE

Dancing with One Leg

It was with bated breath that I watched Heather Mills strut her stuff last night on ABC's, “Dancing with the Stars.” I didn't want to see her leg fly off. Or maybe I did. Whatever- the point I mean to make is that I was thoroughly impressed with her ability to dance on one leg. To dance period is difficult. Now imagine doing it on one leg, wearing high heels and a really long dress. That requires some serious effort (and plenty of balance).

In all fairness, Heather does have an advantage. I am sure that she is wearing the fanciest plastic one can buy. When she asked her partner to pass her a leg from the pile of prosthetics I half expected the leg to walk itself over to Heather and attach itself to her dangling limb. Did you know that Paul McCartney is paying her 20K a day until they settle the terms of their divorce? I don’t need to tell you that 20K a day buys a bunch of legs.

But is Heather's fake leg really a handicap? One might consider her divorce to Paul McCartney to be more of a handicap. After all, the public tends to dislike women that are only famous for the men they married. When they divorce their famous husband, what makes them stars? Shana Moakler found this out the hard way last season. When her divorce from Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker went public, there was no love for the would-be opportunist. She was one of the first to go.

No, I predict that the missing leg will keep Ms. Mills in it for quite some time. That and the fact that she came across as very likeable during her introduction. I was pleased that the judge's didn't consider her handicap when offering their assessment of her performance. Sure they acknowledged it but unlike Paula Abdul, they were able to separate emotion from rating and gave it a solid 6 across the board.

I have no prediction on who will go first. Clyde Drexler was pretty painful to watch but on this show the athletes tend to do very well. Maybe the Backstreet Boy?

Best Friends vs. Boyfriends: life sucks when you have to choose

On the surface MTV's hit reality series, The Hills is as superficial and unrealistic as an episode of Fantasy Island or the Love Boat. I mean, the cast is comprised primarily of people between the ages of 20 and 24; some are in college, others are interns, but none of them hold jobs that produce real money. Yet they are rich enough to gain access into the hottest night clubs, sport the latest in designer fashions, and live in some pretty plush pads. They are all uber-attractive and lead what many would consider to be a charmed life. That is on the surface.

However, it occurred to me last night as I indulged in my weekly fix of this guilty pleasure, that the show is actually kind of deep if you can get past its’ sugary exterior. Deep you ask? The Hills is deep? Yes my friends, it is! In a season of 30 minute vignettes, the show is addressing an argument all women are forced to have at least once in their life: best friend or boyfriend? Last season it was Lauren defending her dysfunctional relationship with Jason. This time around, Heidi must play referee between Lauren and her game show host boyfriend Spencer.

If you watch The Hills you probably also watched its’ big sister, Laguna Beach. Lauren's beastly boyfriend was Laguna's playboy. He was a man of very few words and took the whole Ice Age cave man impersonation a little too far. Seriously, he didn’t speak, he grunted, and he humped anything with a pulse (including his BFF- Cedric). In my opinion that was enough reason to kick him to the curb but my girl Lauren needed something more than inferior communication and random humping to validate breaking up with Jason. He had like 9 lives in their relationship. She needed him not only to cheat, but also snort, embarrass her in public, cheat and snort some more before she'd had enough.

Their relationship played itself out in Season 1 and Lauren was forced to defend it to the viewers but not to Heidi. The entire time, Heidi was a loyal pal to Lauren. She didn't offer any judgment when Lauren overlooked Jason's Neanderthal behavior. She would give advice only when asked; express concern when appropriate. Abandon her own boyfriend and a raging party on New Year's Eve to pass Lauren Kleenex and rub her shoulder in a tearful cab ride home after Lauren lived through another one of Jason’s episodes. She was a damn good best friend to Lauren. There was no choosing between the two of them because Heidi never asked her to make a choice. She wasn’t an ass to Jason when he came over even though she knew he was part rodent (e.g. a rat bastard); she acted normal around him until Lauren was ready to give him the boot and then she supported that decision. Heidi comes from the school of thought that you don’t interfere with matters of the heart.

In season 2, it’s Heidi that is having man issues. Her boyfriend Spencer Pratt is a little Bob Sugar, the slimy agent in Jerry McGuire, and a little Richmeister, Rob Schneider’s character from SNL. Spencer reminds me of a game show host, complete with big shiny teeth and a very polished appearance. Anyhow, he had a wandering eye at the beginning of the season and tried to play Heidi by also hanging out with her friend Audrina. Heidi dumped him when she discovered he lied, but quickly took him back. Now everyone hates Spencer but Heidi still wants to be with him. He wines and dines her, takes her shopping, and is always showering her with compliments. Her friends are less willing to forgive and they don’t see this side of Spencer. They shout to the Hills of LA that Heidi should be done with him already. It’s with vehement passion that they bemoan her decision to stick by Spencer’s side. It’s the conversation they have over every latte they drink and every dress they steam. I can relate. Spencer is kind of creepy but hello! She stood by Lauren and didn’t cast judgment when Lauren passed up Paris to go shack up with her man-beast Jason. So shouldn’t Lauren give Heidi the same courtesy? Hmm… let’s explore that one a little.

The way Lauren sees it, her experience with Jason makes her the authority on bad relationships. She thinks Heidi should follow her advice and save herself a lot of heartache. Heidi is like, “Lauren, you’re my best friend and I love you and I understand your concern is coming from a good place, but bitch could you please mind your own damn business? I am a grown ass woman!” Well, she doesn’t say it quite that way, but you get the picture.


I feel both of them and I’ve been on both sides of the argument. Haven’t we all? It’s weird but with females, our relationships with our best friends can be as emotionally consuming as our relationships with our boyfriends. The only difference is that we have sex with one and not the other. All of the other rules of being in a relationship apply. I don’t know if you can relate but the closer I am with a friend, the more it begins to feel like a monogamous relationship without the intimacy.

Take for instance my high school best friend. We were inseparable and good friends until we were in our mid 20’s. Ironically enough, it was an argument over my boyfriend that ended our friendship. It wasn’t that she disliked my boyfriend. She just expected that she should come first. Her boyfriend was a lout, a real five stage clinger. He had no aspirations in life other than to be her boyfriend so she supported both of them financially and as long as he was by her side to blow hot sunshine up her ass, she was satisfied. I was a bit repulsed by her choice of man, but I kept my opinion to myself. I also adhere to Heidi’s rule of thumb; you don’t interfere with matters of the heart. Now that I’m older I realize our personalities were very different. My girl was a very needy person and I am very comfortable being alone. Strangely, she was an only child and used to being alone which is probably why she always had to have someone with her. I have two little sisters and I really value my alone time. I like to socialize with different people. She didn’t get that about me. In the end, she felt like I wasn’t giving enough of myself to the relationship or as she put it, I kept choosing my man over her. So we broke up. It wasn’t my man I was choosing at that point- it was my sanity. The girl was driving me crazy.

On the flip side, Lauren is dispensing advice from a good place. She means well and she is speaking for the majority when she says Spencer is a “sucky person.” Still, I am team Heidi in this one. I think that Lauren is also a little lonely and she has way too much time on her hands. If she were in a relationship of her own, she’d probably be less obsessed with Heidi’s. Sometimes you have to step back and let people make their own decisions. You can’t live their life for them.

What do you think? Have you been forced to choose? You can check out the Hills info at either http://www.mtv.com/ or http://www.tvgasm.com/. B-side does a really good recap about the show each week.

NAACP Image Awards: Bono for President

In case you missed the NAACP's Image Awards show this past Friday, I am providing a link so that you can check out the tribute to Bono and his acceptance speech after the organization honored him with the prestigious Chairman's Award. The speech was meaningful in many many ways. Bono is amazing; he gave me goose bumps! It's too bad that he can't run for president. I had no idea that the song, "In the Name of Love" was about Martin Luther King Jr. Support the One campaign and buy Red:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENp7c6TtBHk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvayGKlqOQo&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcnaDUwU5SQ&mode=related&search=

http://www.joinred.com/

http://www.one.org/

Heather Mills: Dancing with a Pros. Limb

Hopefully this link works. It will take you to TMZ for an interview with Heather Mills on her ability to Dance with the Stars. Clearly I am not the only person that is obsessed with how she's going to make this work. I thought that the interview was great and Heather comes across as very likeable.

http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=595223638

Redemption for American Idol

The show redeemed itself in my eyes last night when the ladies took the stage. The ladies this season have bars. My top four picks:

Lakisha Jones

Melinda Doolittle

Stephanie Edwards

Sabrina Sloan

I think these screamers have the best chance of going home:

Haley Scarnato

Antonella Barba

Alaina Alexander

Did you have a favorite? Check out the contestants at

http://www.americanidol.com/contestants/season6/

Some Random Ish...

Brandy was hit with a second lawsuit over the car crash she caused back in December.
http://www.splashnewsonline.com/2007/02/21/brandy-hit-with-a-second-lawsuit/

Britney takes another break from rehab. In even stranger news, the Daily Mirror is reporting that Brit shaved her head because she had a bad case of head lice. Gross…. http://www.splashnewsonline.com/2007/02/21/itch-me-baby-one-more-time-britney-blames-lice/

Heather Mills is going to show the world even an amputee can, “walk it out.” Okay, so that was bad. Still, she’s set to get her groove on in the next season of ABC’s, “Dancing with the Stars.” http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancing/newseason.html


Kim Kardashian has filed a law suit against Vivid entertainment over the distribution of her sex tape with ex-boyfriend, Ray J. http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/21/kim-sues-over-sex-tape/

Note to Ray J.- making a tape with Kim, okay. Making a tape with Whitney, NOT OKAY.

American Idle

I've never really been a huge American Idol fan. I didn't watch the first two seasons and always felt really left out when it was the only thing people could talk about. So I began watching the show in it's 3rd season; arguably the best season yet. Seasons 4 and 5 came and went without much ado. I didn't really give a hoot who won. So now the show is in it's 6th season and unlike wine, it's not aging very well.

Last night's episode could have been called American Idle. Never have I wasted my time more than I did sitting through what can only be classified as two hours of karaoke hell. At one point my husband shouted to me, "Hey, you should go on this show." Trust me when I say, that's not a compliment!

Where do I begin? Let's start with a few words for the judges:

"Randy, please get yourself a thesaurus! I can't be the only one that notices your overuse of the word pitchy. Please get a clue and a new word. For the most part, every contestant in this competition will have a pitchy performance. Quit stating the obvious and offer some feedback these kids can actually use!"

"Paula Abdul, why are you even on this panel? Your career reeks of luck, the same kind of luck that gave some fortunate Bay Area residents the foresight to purchase property in the early 90's. Now their investment is worth millions with very little effort on their part. You had the opportunity to build your career during a time when the world had a taste for tacky. Lately your antics are borderline Britney Spears-ish, yet you are old enough to know better. Every time you open your mouth I think, 'get ready for Paula to say more of NOTHING.' Lastly, I don't think anyone actually believes you've never been drunk. If that's true, how do you explain this picture?"

"Simon Cowell, I don't have anything negative to say because really, your advice seems to be the most honest of the three (which isn't saying much but still)."

To all three, "Damn you for picking this sorry ass cast of people that can't sing!"

"Ryan Seacrest- you're secret is out. The whole world knows so it's okay to stop pretending."


Lowlights (instead of highlights):

President of Jack Osbourne fan club, this guy picked a fight with Simon Cowell. Bad move, my friend. In that fight there can only be one winner and it won't be you.

This guy actually had the nerve to sing a Luther Vandross song. No one reprimanded him for pissing on Luther's memory with his sorry ass performance. Don't attempt to do Luther unless you can actually sing. Stick w/ Frankie B. songs.

This guy is the Biggest Loser of the night. At some points during his performance you couldn't even hear him. Sadly, he's from San Jose so he was repping the Yay Area. Yikes!! This guy will go first, trust me.

Valentines Day

Think you’re too old or savvy for Valentine’s Day? Pooh on you. So what if the holiday oozes commercialism. We all have an innate desire to feel special and there is nothing wrong with feeding that emotion. From elementary school Valentine’s Day cards to roses and chocolate, the holiday matures for each generation. I like to think that you can celebrate this holiday regardless of your relationship status. Seriously, it’s not just for the newly dating. Whether you’re single or have been in a relationship with someone for so long that it’s customary to fart in each other’s presence, there are ways to celebrate the day. When I arrived at work this morning my co-worker was in the lobby signing for a beautiful floral arrangement. I asked him who they were from and he said his husband of 18 years! He went on to tell me that 18 years was easy, it was the second date that was hard. I made a list of favorite’s that would delight even the most cynical person. Lavish yourself or someone else today and I bet you won’t regret it.

Candy or rather chocolate is a Valentine’s Day staple. Check out Charles Chocolates, http://www.charleschocolates.com Charles a.k.a. Chuck, is the husband of my friend and former co-worker Shabana. Chuck’s gift with chocolate making is phenomenal. When we worked together, Shabana could be relied upon to grace the staff with treats like chocolate scones, truffles, and homemade hot chocolate brought to the office in a thermos. Chuck’s innovative approach to chocolate is definitely worth trying. His creations include chocolates hearts infused with Raspberry, Passion Fruit, and Mojito flavors or a chocolate tea collection with chocolates infused with lichee, jasmine, Formosa oolong, osmanthus, and roasted twig flavors. Items come in what else? An edible chocolate box! (see above)

Flowers are another must. Roses are most expected by why not pick a flower that will last longer than a couple of days? My pick is an orchid. If properly tended, they will last a long time.

Dining out? Try O’Chame in Berkeley. I became a fan of O’Chame years ago when I worked at the boutique next door to the restaurant. Located on a street where the pretentious thrive, this humble oasis serves as a breath of fresh air. When you arrive, you are warmly greeted, regardless of the purse on your arm or the clothes you are wearing. The interior of the restaurant is quite calming and unintentionally romantic. Stucco walls, teak wood furniture, beeswax candles and muted lighting, help to create a soothing ambiance. Typically, the owner’s wife will welcome you when you arrive. The menu is Japanese/Californian, serving treats like Crimini Mushroom and Green Onion Pancake, Blanched Spinach w/ Sesame Seed, Grilled Skirt Steak with Lacinato Kale, Portabello Mushrooms and Edamame Beans, and Caramel Balsamic Gelato. I’ve had many things on the menu and they always delight my palette. http://www.themenupage.com/ochame.html

If you go, be sure to make a trip to the restroom. The restaurant boasts a hand painted masterpiece on the floor.


If you’re single or just looking for a place to chill with girls, try Luka’s Taproom and Lounge in Oakland; inspired by the old restaurants of Belgium and France, Luka’s serves up wine, mussles, and one of the largest beer collections in the East Bay. The restaurant sits on the corner of 2212 Broadway in a building that used to be home to a hof brau.

If you are intent on being anti-Valentine’s Day, not to fret, there is still a a place for the haters in all of us. Check out the website, http://www.antivday.com/forum/.


Do you have ideas or suggestions for how to celebrate the day? What was your most romantic Valentine’s Day gift or memory?

Road Rules Viewers Revenge: Episode I

Tori is in and Veronica is out!

As I mentioned in a previous post, MTV is dusting off the Winnie and resurrecting its Real World counterpart, Road Rules. The producers have revised the show a bit in an effort to engage viewers and make them more familiar with MTV’s online broadcasting network.
The show begins with six Road Rules veterans that will live on the RV and compete in a variety of physical challenges. The team banks 10k in the winners’ pot for each challenge they successfully complete. The twist: after each completed challenge, the vets have to nominate two of their own, a male, and a female, to compete against a newbie in the Road Rules Pit. Waiting in the pit are six new comers to MTV. This is where the viewers’ revenge comes in. The viewers get to decide by voting online, which newbie and vet will compete for a spot on the Winnie.

Earlier I took a stab at the potential cast members and I’ll admit that I got it a bit wrong. The cast: Shane, Veronica, Abe, Keena, Suzie, and Adam from the veteran side, and 6 unknown reality wannabes that sit in the Pit. Fanatics will recall that Shane and Rachel (Veronica’s best friend) are very close. Veronica had a threesome with Rachel and Abe. Suzie and Keena had a heated exchange during one of the RW/RR challenges. So, there is intersecting drama in existence.

Some random observations in watching the first episode: Abe, Suzie, Shane, and Adam look exactly the same. You’d think that after a couple of years they might have changed their hairstyles, grown a beard, shaved a beard, gained, or lost some weight. But no, they all look just like I remembered them. Perhaps I should find this deja vu comforting but I am already bored. Keena is still sporting her Covergirl mascara in teal, a color that can only be purchased in the state of New Jersey. Veronica has changed her hair color and lightened up on the self-tanner. My sister thinks this look ages her but my opinion is that the more subtle approach works. She looks less like a JLo reject and more like herself. Only drawback is that she’s still sporting those tired ass t-shirts that are her bread and butter when she’s not working for MTV.

The first challenge is rather daring. The cast has to drive a car that’s harnessed to a bungee cord, off of a platform that’s suspended super high in the air. The car then does a nose dive into a lake and bounces in the air at a vertical tilt. Once the bouncing is less intense, the cast has to expel three suitcases that are in the backseat of the car, by throwing them out of the car window. Then they have to follow the suitcases by jumping out of the window, swimming with the baggage to shore, and running it onshore about 10 yards to a flagpole. The team has to go in waves of two (that’s three teams) and their cumulative time can’t exceed 5 minutes. If they can do it in fewer than 5, they win. Ya still with me?

So, they successfully complete the mission and go back to the Winnie all the while discussing which vets will be sent to the Pit. Here’s where it gets interesting. Shane and Veronica feel safe because they are BFF’s outside of all this. However, the cast isn’t so cool with their alliance and they are the first ones targeted. Adam says that Suzie and Keena are his best friends and he’d feel betrayed if either of them voted him in. Huh? When did they get all tight? Abe says that Veronica’s lied to him multiple times so she gets his vote. I wonder what she’s lied about. Maybe that she’s a lesbian? Or wait- does she just want the world to think she’s a lesbian? I digress….

Upon learning they would go to the Pit first, Shane and Roni hosted a heated debate amongst the group. Veronica wanted to know why Adam was being defensive and why she was voted in; Shane wanted to know why Suzie couldn’t look him in the eye and why he was voted in; I just wanted to know why Keena continues to wear that ugly mascara and why I still watch this shit. Eventually Veronica and Shane accepted their fate, and were dropped off at the Pit. As the Winnie pulled off, Veronica flipped them the bird. She then told the camera that the group decided to play the game with the girl that created the game. Okay, now I’m really confused. I thought that MTV created the game? And Veronica wasn’t on Season 1 so how did she create anything? Oh well…

You couldn’t have seen the next part I am going to tell you about unless you went to MTV online and watched it on their new online channel. The viewers determined it would be Veronica that would have to defend her spot on the RV against newbie Tori, a southern girl, and Ms. Teen (who gives a rat's ass just insert any red state here). Their challenge was to race each other while harnessed to bungee cords (great that MTV is educating us on the many ways one can use a bungee cord). The person to reach the flagpole and obtain the flag first wins. Tori effortlessly beat Veronica in back to back races and claimed her spot on the Winnie. Veronica is now forced to sit in the pit at the viewers’ mercy for an opportunity to rejoin her old cast members on the RV. The upside to all of this? Veronica can educate the newbie’s on how to “play the game.”

I wish MTV would bring back bible toters Chad and Holly along with crazy mama Balou. Now that would be some funny ish.

I Don't Know Karate but I Know Crazy...

Wow! From American Idol to Nasa, women are losing it over men. This is the second morning in a row that I've woken up to a story about Lisa Nowak, the astronaut that is suspected of attempting to murder her romantic rival. Then I arrive at work and read that one of the contestants on American Idol, Ashlyn Carr (the cute girl from San Antonio, Texas that made all those funny faces during her audition, all the while sounding like a relative of Gladys Knight) was arrested for putting sugar in her ex-boyfriend's gas tank. It left me wondering why these talented women would jeopardize their future for a man?

Lisa Nowak, astronaut and mother of three, drove 900 miles from her Houston, Texas home to Orlando, Florida to confront Colleen Shipman, someone Nowak considered to be a romantic rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut. She confronted her nemesis in a parking lot, and attacked her with pepper spray. The story grows more bizarre as authorities say Nowak was wearing a wig to disguise her appearance and a diaper to avoid bathroom breaks while driving. She also carried a compressed air pistol, a steel mallet, a knife, pepper spray, four feet of rubber tubing, latex gloves and garbage bags. When interviewed, Nowak said that she brought along the air pistol to entice her rival into talking. Hmmm... so much for small talk.

Authorities believe that the items Nowak brought with her would have caused serious injury or death to Colleen Shipman and consequently, they charged Nowak with attempted murder. She was arrested at Orlando International Airport following her attack on Colleen.

Ashlyn Carr's story is a bit more mild but the actions she took were extreme enough to land her in jail. On Nov. 1 a student reported that his car had sustained engine damage on campus as a result of sugar placed into his gas tank. The student provided police with a list of potential suspects. When called in for questioning, Ashlyn confessed to the deed and was charged with Criminal Mischief, a state jail felony because of the estimated property damage.

I am puzzled by the course of action these women chose following the dissolution of their relationships. I mean most of us can relate to an extent, the internal suffering women experience when their man does the dirty. How many of us have been lied to, cheated on, ignored, taken advantage of, abused, abandoned, manipulated, even exploited, by men? History tells the story time and time again. Yet, we're always surprised when we fall victim to the dirty and our actions following such betrayals can take some very strange twists and turns, that are completely out of our character.

It really has me thinking, does every woman have her breaking point? Is there a bit of crazy in all of us? And how do we keep that crazy in check?

Finally, does living in Texas have anything to do with the reaction of women scorned? Just think about how many women from the Lone Star state that have reacted in an usual manner when they are victims of the dirty.

Girlfriends Update

I have been a fan of the show Girlfriends for a few years. If you've never watched, the show is about four girlfriends, and how they deal with life's trials and tribulations, all the while, supporting one another and keeping their friendships in tact.

Back in the day the show was laugh out loud funny. Recently it suffered a set back when Jill Marie Jones, the actress that portrayed flamboyant Toni Childs, elected not to renew her contract. Her absence has left a serious void in the show. I may be a bit bias since Childs was my favorite Girlfriend. I loved the way her character was able to tell it like it was without resorting to ghetto clichés. Her absence leaves a definite void in the clique. It's like watching Sex and the City without the Sex um, I mean Samantha. So why did Toni's portrayer Jill, bounce? In an interview w/ the LA Times, the show's creator Mara Brock Akil says,

"I would love for her to come back, but Jill doesn't want to return. I don't know 100% why she made this decision. She didn't tell me. All she said when we talked was that she felt it was time for her to move on. The door is not closed. We've asked her to come back and have offered different ways for her to return. But I completely wish her well. There's no drama involved."

It's been my experience when someone says "there is no drama involved" that there is definitely DRAMA INVOLVED.

Jill Marie Jones' publicist, Nicole Nassar, responded to the LA Times inquiry with:

"There really is nothing to say…."

Those two statements say a whole helluva lot. Clearly there is friction and one can't help but wonder if perhaps, Tracie Ellis-Ross is somehow involved. Is it crazy to speculate whether Ms. Ross has some diva-like tendencies passed down from her mama? Apparently not, as Tracie does her best to eradicate any potential rumors by making a statement of her own to Vibe Vixen in their fall issue:

"In order for the show to come back, the cast was not going to get the huge raise we dreamed of. So when the calls went out about the new contracts, Jill gave a quick 'no.'; it was her decision. Clearly, we all wanted to come back to 'Girlfriends' as we know it. However, like anything, the show is bigger than one person. The show is called 'Girlfriends,' not 'Jill and Friends,'" Ross said, before adding, "I think I was mostly sad that after six years, the call didn't come to me that said, 'Hey, I've decided to leave and this is what it's about.' But the show will go on.

So there it is. Jill wanted more money. Maybe she wanted the cast to work together like the cast of Friends to ensure a bigger paycheck for everyone. It really isn't a bad idea. These girlfriends may not realize what their show is worth. I just read an article about how advertisers looking to reach a certain demographic (read- BLACK), have difficulty doing that during prime time viewing hours, because programming targeted toward African American's is limited to a few shows.

One thing is for sure. If Girlfriends wants to stay on the air, they will need someone to come in and fill Jones' shoes pronto. They've attempted to replace Toni with Monica (William's fiance). Maya, Joan and Lynn aren't the only girlfriends struggling with this adjustment. I just am not feeling it. So, I've made a list of actresses that might qualify as her replacement:

Taraji P. Henson: Maybe she's an old college friend of Joan, Lynn and Toni.

Queen Latifah: I can see her as a record executive that works with Lynn.

Lucy Lieu: it would be funny if she opened a competing business near Joan's.

My number one pick would be Nia Long. I haven't seen her in much since Third Watch ended. She could be written in as Maya's new editor.

These actresses probably demand a salary that isn't realistic for the show's budget. Also, it's Tracie Ellis Ross' show, so I doubt she'd want someone else coming in and stealing her thunder. Still, it would shake things up a bit and breath some life into this fading program.

Favorite Dresses from the 2007 SAG Awards

Reese Witherspon looking utterly fabulous in this silver number. The cut really works for her slender frame. I love that she's not moping in a corner after Ryan's alleged infidelities. I mean, it's hard enough when you're man has cheated on you. I can't even imagine having that mess blasted on the covers of countless magazines; talk about embarrassing. However, rather than pull the covers over her head, Ms. Reese is doing her and you gotta love that.

Who says only the petite look cute? I love this dress on Jennifer Hudson. The color compliments her skin tone and I really like the detailed beading on the dress.

Sara Ramirez (Callie Torres on Grey's Anatomy) knows how to dress for her shape. I think she's absolutely gorgeous and I love that she chose a dress that accentuates her full figure rather than a dress to hide behind. Real women have curves, people!

Brandy Facing 50 Million Dollar Lawsuit

2007 isn't starting out very well for Brandy Norwood. The multi-platinum recording artist was recently found at fault in a car crash that resulted in a fatality. With a 50 million dollar lawsuit filed against her by the victim's family, criminal charges looming over her head, and the guilt that comes with knowing you were responsible for the untimely death of someone else, poor Brandy is having a pretty rough time.

A quick rewind to recap the events. On Dec. 30, Brandy was driving her Land Rover on the 405 in LA. If your familiar with LA you know their freeway system is frightful. Everyone drives 80 miles per hour and the result is multiple hapless accidents. The movie Crash capitalized on this concept and developed a story around it. Anyhow, for whatever reason, Brandy failed to notice the bottleneck of cars that had slowed down and crashed into a Honda, driven by Awatef Aboudihaj, a 38 year old waitress/wife/mother. The impact of Brandy's car caused Awatef to hit the car in front of hers, then slide sideways onto the divider where she was hit by another car. Awatef died at the hospital from blunt-force injuries, according to the coroners office.

TMZ.com interviewed a man that claimed he was in the car behind Brandy's at the time of the accident. The witness said at the scene, Brandy was visibly hysterical and insistent that she was at fault.

Brandy's publicist, Courtney Barnes said the singer wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of the crash.

Now, after a full investigation, it's the CA CHP's recommendation that Brandy be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter. The charge carries a maximum sentence of one year in county jail and a $1000.00 fine. Prosecutors couldn't say when they would make a decision to file charges. If charged, Brandy wouldn't necessarily have to appear in court, and could enter a plea through her attorney.

Civil Rights leaders are coming out to support the artist, alleging that the CHP and DA wouldn't have made such a big deal out of this incident had it involved a less high profile person. Their decision to speak up lacks some sensitivity toward the victim's family, however, they aren't completely wrong about the attention this accident is grabbing. I am unsure what the statistics are for accidents on the 405 but I wouldn't be surprised if they were above the national average, yet every fatal accident on that highway isn't national news.

And now the victim's parents are making a statement of their own. They filed a 50 million dollar lawsuit against the R&B singer for compensatory and punitive damages, citing, "Defendant Brandy Norwood was driving recklessly on the freeway." Some might question the timing of this lawsuit. Their daughter's corpse isn't even cold and already they are looking to prosper? If it were my child, I'd still be in shock. However, I won't stand in judgement of them and I'd never want to be where they are right now.

Brandy isn't the first celebrity to kill someone in a car accident. Just last month, Prison Break star Lane Garrison was found at fault in an accident where his SUV jumped the curb, killed a 17 year old boy, and injured two 15 year old girls, one of them seriously. Witnesses at the hospital say Lane had alcohol on his breath. In 2001, actress Rebecca Gayheart struck and killed a 9-year-old boy. She pleaded no contest to misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter charges and was given three years' probation, a suspended license, a $2,800 fine, and 750 hours of community service. In 1987, Matthew Broderick was involved in a head on collision on a country road in Ireland. The crash killed two Irish women. Broderick pleaded guilty to a reckless driving charge and was fined $175.

Brandy was driving 65mph when she crashed into the car in front of her. I drive 65mph all the time (usually with the flow of traffic). Brandy had to be preoccupied when she hit the car in front of her. Some are speculating she was on her cell phone. Perhaps she just turned her head for a moment to change the song on her ipod. Who knows? We are all guilty of becoming preoccupied while at the wheel. Still, that doesn't make it right. Sadly, her behavior was irresponsible and someone died as a result. We can all take heed.

Celeb Fit Club: Drama

TMZ is reporting some drama on the VH1 set of the celebrealtiy show, Celebrity Fit Club.

They say that the first fight took place between medical/diet expert Dr. Ian and Ant, the show's host -- over a cigarette. Apparently, during a break in filming, Dr. Ian exploded after Ant fired up a cancer stick in the doc's vicinity, and began shouting and threatening Ant with violence, forcing producers to immediately shut down production. The two men were separated, egos were stroked, and production resumed.

Soon after, as first reported on PerezHilton.com, former child star-turned-porn-star Dustin Diamond a.k.a. Screech, allegedly threatened to "make a dildo of my c**k and f**k" former "American Idol" star Kimberly Locke with "it" during a heated on-set altercation. Locke, along with almost every member of the cast, including 80's pop star Tiffany, rap star Warren G and "Brady Bunch" star Maureen "Marcia" McCormick all stormed off the set. Only Ross the Intern stayed.

Since the blow up, producers have exiled Dustin Diamond and he will no longer have any interaction with the cast. A rep for Dustin has denied all allegations surrounding the actor.

What has gotten into Screech? I guess all those years as a sexually repressed nerd on Saved by the Bell really took it's toll on him. I am also wondering if these c-listers purposely gain weight so that they can appear on this show. The only original porker I recall from this group is Locke. Let's just hope that these fireworks make it on the show and not on the cutting room floor.

Angelina Jolie's Mother Loses Her Battle with Ovarian Cancer

Marcheline Bertrand passed away on January 27, 2007. Bertrand, mother to Angelina Jolie and James Haven, was only 56 years old when she lost her battle with ovarian cancer.

Angelina's demeanor has been scrutinized by the press over the past couple of weeks. Everyone assumed that her stank mood was a result of friction between her and Brad Pitt. Folks were predicting that the couple was heading for splitsville and now this. It all makes sense. If my mother were on her death bed and I had to make pretty and pose for the cameras for award show after award show, where the same damn people always win, I'd be in a foul ass mood too.

Angie was very close with her mom. She credited Marcheline and not dad, Jon Voight, for getting her started in the biz during an interview for the Bravo show, Inside the Actor's Studio.

She, Brad Pitt, and James Haven were at Marcheline's bedside when she passed.

Keep your head up Ang!

37 Never Looked So Good

I must say, I don't feel so bad about turning 30 when people like Mary J. Blige are approaching 40 and look as good as they do. Mary J. celebrated her 37th birthday on January 11 (Capricorns in the house, whoo hoo) and some OG celebs came out to help her get her party on.

As I was looking at these pictures some random questions were floating through my mind like how tight was Heavy D. hugging Mary? I get that the overaged/overweight lover doesn't get many A-list invitations and he was probably showing his gratitude for being included, but still, let a sistah breath! How often does Tisha go for botox injections? It looks as if she's having trouble expressing her emotions. I was puzzled by Queen Latifah's choice of attire. She is throwing off a dykie biker-chick vibe. I wonder what covergirl would say......