American Idle

I've never really been a huge American Idol fan. I didn't watch the first two seasons and always felt really left out when it was the only thing people could talk about. So I began watching the show in it's 3rd season; arguably the best season yet. Seasons 4 and 5 came and went without much ado. I didn't really give a hoot who won. So now the show is in it's 6th season and unlike wine, it's not aging very well.

Last night's episode could have been called American Idle. Never have I wasted my time more than I did sitting through what can only be classified as two hours of karaoke hell. At one point my husband shouted to me, "Hey, you should go on this show." Trust me when I say, that's not a compliment!

Where do I begin? Let's start with a few words for the judges:

"Randy, please get yourself a thesaurus! I can't be the only one that notices your overuse of the word pitchy. Please get a clue and a new word. For the most part, every contestant in this competition will have a pitchy performance. Quit stating the obvious and offer some feedback these kids can actually use!"

"Paula Abdul, why are you even on this panel? Your career reeks of luck, the same kind of luck that gave some fortunate Bay Area residents the foresight to purchase property in the early 90's. Now their investment is worth millions with very little effort on their part. You had the opportunity to build your career during a time when the world had a taste for tacky. Lately your antics are borderline Britney Spears-ish, yet you are old enough to know better. Every time you open your mouth I think, 'get ready for Paula to say more of NOTHING.' Lastly, I don't think anyone actually believes you've never been drunk. If that's true, how do you explain this picture?"

"Simon Cowell, I don't have anything negative to say because really, your advice seems to be the most honest of the three (which isn't saying much but still)."

To all three, "Damn you for picking this sorry ass cast of people that can't sing!"

"Ryan Seacrest- you're secret is out. The whole world knows so it's okay to stop pretending."


Lowlights (instead of highlights):

President of Jack Osbourne fan club, this guy picked a fight with Simon Cowell. Bad move, my friend. In that fight there can only be one winner and it won't be you.

This guy actually had the nerve to sing a Luther Vandross song. No one reprimanded him for pissing on Luther's memory with his sorry ass performance. Don't attempt to do Luther unless you can actually sing. Stick w/ Frankie B. songs.

This guy is the Biggest Loser of the night. At some points during his performance you couldn't even hear him. Sadly, he's from San Jose so he was repping the Yay Area. Yikes!! This guy will go first, trust me.